Good Night! Sleep Tight!

Did you know that babies sleep better when they are happy? I know this through numerous experiences with my younger sister (when she was tiny and crawled on all fours) and my sundry nephews and nieces. Even my own mother keeps sharing some of my stories from when I was a baby.

My first hand experiences with babies have made me aware of interesting and useful activities in which mothers engage their babies. These bedtime rituals are very special and help in strengthening the bond between a mother and her child. Many of these bedtime rituals also help the baby have a good night's sleep.

Off the top of my head, some fun bedtime rituals for little ones are:-

• Talking to them : Your baby need not understand anything you say. The very act of spending quality time with your child will go a long way in giving her a lot of contentment. A satisfied mind stays happy and has no trouble falling asleep at night. I will always make sure I talk to my baby and make her cackle with laughter for a few minutes before I tuck her in.
  
• Tucking them in : Now this is a ritual my father would religiously follow until we went to college. And this is a very powerful way of forging your relationship and creating a strong bond of trust and love. It's a very simple gesture. You can just pull the blanket over your son or help him set up the mosquito net. (We had those nets until a few years ago. I suppose, every Bengali family swears by these mosquito nets.)
  
• Reading them a story : I am an avid reader of novels and an aspiring author myself. Every child in my home will have the privilege of listening to a bedtime story. Stories with happy endings help your child feel better and they naturally have happy dreams. Avoid scary or negative stories around the night time.
  
• Milk and cookies : Quite a few mothers I know give a glass of warm milk to their toddler before they hit the sack. Milk has a calming effect on the mind and body and keeps the child satiated throughout the night. This ensures you don't have babies waking up in the middle of the night due to hunger. If your child is not fond of milk, serve an attractive chocolate chip cookie that she can dunk in her glass full of milk and enjoy the ritual.

Research says that the soothing compositions of Beethoven are very beneficial to children. The unique frequencies of the soundwaves make babies intelligent too. Such compositions help even when your baby is still in the womb. The pleasing music also helps put babies to sleep.

An important thing to remember here is that children retain in their dreams the last thing they do before they sleep. This is why a good bedtime ritual goes a long way in the growth and rest of your young one. The better your kids sleep, the better will be their concentration and physical and mental development!

The Sound of Surprise

There are very few days remaining for Valentine's Day. This is a good time to tell you how I proposed to my better half last year. I had been preparing for some days before I executed the grand plan on his birthday.

I had planned a treasure hunt for my dear one. We both are explorers and I knew he would love a good search. I rang his doorbell and when he answered the door, I took him by surprise and blindfolded him. This gave me ample time to quickly put the post-it notes (which acted as clue markers) on the predefined clues in his house.

When I was done, I unfolded his eyes and handed him his first clue. All the clues I wrote were in verses. My boyfriend and I are into poetry and there are few things that good poetry can't do. ;-) He had turned twenty five, and I celebrated his age by planting twenty five clues across the house.

Now, my companion is quite smart, but even he would get stuck at a few clues. This is when I would grant him bonus clues for which he would have to pay with a kiss (I'm smarter! :-D ). After half an hour of searching and laughing and smooching, the birthday boy had finally found his gift. I waited with bated breath as he unwrapped the giant package and wondered what I had stashed inside.

He jumped with joy when he pulled out the camouflage-print forty litre rucksack I had selected for him. But the surprise wasn't over yet. The bigger surprise was the reason for the backpack - we were going to do a long trip to Delhi, Dehradun and Mussoorie in a couple of months! :-) He hugged me, not believing the news I had just broken to him. Travel is a passion we both nurture, but he has a special fondness for the mountains of the north. The Himalayas had been on his bucket list for many months.

As the evening gave way to an enchanting night, I took my boyfriend out to a romantic fine dining restaurant. His happiness knew no bounds when he saw it was an all-you-can-eat buffet with items he had been craving for! We celebrated the night with some wine to go with the sumptuous fare.

My love made me  ponder over the sounds that make me truly happy - the sound of his laugh when we think of our funny moments, the clinking of the glasses after we raise a toast to each other and our relationship, the sound of the music he plays on his mouth organ, the sound of his breath against my skin when we slow dance together. I believe this is what love sounds like. My favourite sound is the sound of togetherness. When we two are together, there is only silence - a sound that only we can perceive. It is our sound of love!

I am participating in the #SoundOfLove activity at BlogAdda in association with Bluestone.

The Art of Littering

I have been observing for quite a few years how Indians have evolved in their taste for fashion, cuisines and many things else. But one trait refuses to leave the desi descendents of all generations - their consistent urge to litter. Most people I know have assumed this traditional duty with great zeal and fervour. I have some samples of this "Great Indian Litterbug" from first hand experience.

Last week at the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon holding area, while I stood in a queue longer than the Great Wall of China as I waited my turn to relieve myself before my half marathon, a frustrated girl declared, "Let's just pee outside! It's pretty dark anyway". And off went a dozen girls from elite families, into a nondescript clearing behind the canvas covering, to squat and perhaps make the soil a little more fertile for the weeds to thrive. "It's fun and thrilling!" declared a girl after her law loo-break.

"I'll pee from the Bandra-Worli Sea Link", declared a proud pro-runner as he jogged beside me with all his enthusiasm. I knew then that the urge to pee in public did not have much to do with gender. In this case, I'd say men and women are like two pees peas in a pod. And their motto is - "Urine where you reign".

Biological urges aside, we love to get the maximum bang for the buck we pay our cleaners and housemaids. This is why we refuse to discard any waste in the trash bin in our room. "The bai will pick it up", we reason. The bai is another aspirational individual who will not touch your litter without expressly being asked to. And thus, the two-week old coffee stain on the mug gathers dust on your study table. We decide in the third week to place the cup on the floor. There, cat-hair and pigeon feather stick to the old stains. We now place it in the balcony for the rain-gods to wash off the stains. "But it's only winter!" we realize a little late. Frustrated with our foolhardiness, we kick the mug out of the balcony, and "crash"!!! The mug dents the roof of the car that breaks its fall.

We suddenly recall our favourite sport of defenestration! We get our organic waste basket out and start pouring all the putrid contents on to the already rotting sidewalk. But for pan-masala, I'd never have known the uses of keeping a red tongue and a redder face. Just imagine, you can paint the walls just by spitting! No need to buy spray-cans for difficult graffiti. Saliva is organic and easily biodegradable! :-) You can create an unusual piss piece of art this way!

So friends,  littering is not a vice, it's a form of art that requires long hours and plenty of practice. After all, we're not all Jack from Titanic. Spitting will take us some time. But there's huge investment potential in filth. It is yet to become a spit-bubble. You can still attend the Litterfest if you have the spirit (and the sputum)! ;-)

The Forbidden Fruit

"All is fair in love and war."

We have been hearing these words since school, but how true are they? Is everything actually fair in love? I think not. Love is one of those few emotions that makes you feel a million feelings but comes with even more restrictions.

"Do not meet him after dark."

"Don't lose your virginity before marriage."

"Don't talk to that guy."

These and many other sentences are hurled at young people who sense that love is in the air. And because "love" and "lust" are uncontrollable, the society exerts all control on "sex". I wonder what business the public has in matters so private. They have unspoken (and some explicitly writ) laws on matters concerning everything - from sexual orientation to sexuality to sexual intercourse. And more often than not, expressions of love and affection are forbidden... in public and otherwise.

Our Indian people can be quite hypocritical. They wish to uphold the ancient cultures and traditions on the one hand, but condemn the same practices in the daily lives of humans. Case in point: Kamasutra - the holy grail of sex, is considered sacred and regarded as the ultimate guide to sexual exploration. However, possessing sexually explicit books and other media is frowned upon. In fact, there have been cases of wrongful detention of people in possession of adult content. Or consider the temples of Khajuraho where sex is on display in 3-D. This temple complex is on the list of World Heritage Sites. In contrast, sex is a taboo topic in most of India - especially schools. School is where sex education should begin. Unfortunately, these classes are limited to discussions on health and nutrition. It is assumed that students will practice abstinence until they are married.

Premarital sex is a tricky topic and it is very hard to take sides. It is not all black and white but has many shades of grey that one has to take into consideration before pledging one's allegiance to  or condemning sex before marriage. If you ask me, I will say at first that sex is a personal decision. If you and your partner are ready for it, by all means, go ahead and "do it"! But then, my answer will change if you tell me you are only thirteen.

I don't think it is wise to become sexually active at an age when you cannot take decisions without your friend circle's approval. Sex is good. But it is even better when you are in control of what is happening. Young couples in junior high school may not have the same level of access to contraception as adults when they have sex. They are also unprepared for the consequences. The biggest risk that sex brings is sexually transmitted diseases and infections. And only barrier-methods of contraception can protect you from those. The next big risk is that of unplanned pregnancy. And even condoms can fail you in 4% of the cases.

Physical risks apart, there are a lot of emotional and psychological changes that sexual intimacy brings with it. Age and maturity play a significant role in how much you will enjoy sex (or be scarred by it). Sex, like all other things in life, is best initiated only if it is by desire and mutual consent. If there is any element of force (societal or domestic) or fear colouring the act, it weakens the soul.

That said, if I have to talk about premarital sex in the context of consenting adults who lead independent lives, I would say it is a necessity. We don't live in times when people marry by 18 or 21. Today, we put our careers and aspirations ahead of marriage. Most of us tie the knot when we are well in our 30s. We cannot ignore the fact that sex is also a primal need and cannot be shelved until our 30s. In such cases, it becomes impractical to stay celibate until we are married. Sexual urge reaches its peak when we are in our 20s. If sex is not enjoyed in the prime of our youth, it is a wasted opportunity. Our career choices demand that we have sex before marriage. The benefits of sex far outweigh the negative consequences of social glares.

The feel-good hormones (serotonin, dopamine and endorphins) often keep negative emotions in check and even cure the meanest of headaches. The calories burnt in a hot session of sex is similar to that expended in an hour-long cycle-ride. And if you try different positions every time you have sex, you end up exercising all your muscle groups. Much better than hitting the gym, don't you think? Sex also increases immunity and keeps that nasty cold away. But most importantly, it helps you bond better with your partner. Sex works best when you are in love with the person you sleep with.

It is not my place to comment on or advise people on their sexual preferences and choices. Each of us has her/his own reason for choosing to wait or give in to lust. But I personally feel premarital sex is the answer to the modern lifestyle choices that we make. Marriages in India require the consent of entire families, the feeding of entire villages and loans that can take a lifetime to repay. But making love only requires two consenting lovers and some privacy.

Source: http://www.karma-yoga.net/

I love you

But I cannot sleep

With you or with my own belief. 

The neighbours

Will think ill of me.

If I lose my virginity.

So, we'll make do

With holding hands

And kissing at empty bus stands.

But how long

Will we keep this up?

Ask our beating hearts to shut up?

This hypocrisy

Must stop now!

Let's unite 'fore taking our marriage vow.

For another interesting take on love and sex, read Poonaam Uppal's True Love - A Mystical True Love Story.

Stubble Trouble

This is the story of my boyfriend. To preserve his privacy (I doubt we can do that now :-P ), let's call him HairyHunk. HairyHunk was a very jolly man. He would hum as he went about his work through the day. He was quite a hardworking fellow! He would stay till late at work and grab quite a lot of awards for his intelligence. He was also a fine cook! He would whip up pancakes and pakoras with ease. He was quite the go-to person for his friends, and they always crashed at his place to recover from hangovers and breakups. His talents knew no bounds - he could paint like Picasso, sing like Stevie Wonder, and dance like Deva (Prabhu Deva). But his girlfriend was still not impressed.

Picture Courtesy

HairyHunk wondered where he went wrong. He would sing mellifluous melodies, dance her to dinners, and bake her delicious delicacies. But his girlfriend wouldn't budge. And then, one fine day, when we was checking himself in the mirror, he admired his manly beard and smoothened his maharaja-moustache. He remembered suddenly that his girlfriend had once mentioned - "Oww! Your pointy beard! It's pricking my soft cheeks." HairyHunk then thought, 

"Oh! So, that is why she never kisses me,

But licks the curry off her dish;

She twirls to Latin music,

But gives my face a miss.

She adores all of my paintings,

But never puts her hand on my cheeks;

She taps her feet to my music,

But hasn't stayed over for weeks!

Picture Courtesy

As HairyHunk stood there admiring his facial hair one last time, he decided it was time to bite the bullet and took his shaving foam out. He squirted some on his shaving brush and lathered it on his chin.

He took out his shiny new razor -

Gillette Mach 3,

And got down to business till

His face was hair-free.

He patted some aftershave lotion

After he had rinsed his face.

He looked at his reflection in wonder -

He now had so much more grace!

Picture Courtesy

HairyHunk was hairy no more,

But only a hunk from now!

He took his girlfriend on a date,

And all she said was "WOW!!!"

She immediately grabbed him by the face

And smooched him in the lift.

He could not contain his joy further.

He had finally received his gift!

This post is part of the #WillYouShave activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette.

I now nominate my friends Purujeet and Amrita to take the #WillYouShave challenge and blog about their experiences.

Tata Literature Live! - A Poetic Afternoon

Yesterday, I spent a very interesting afternoon at the 5th Tata Literature Live - the Mumbai Litfest! This was all thanks to BlogAdda for nudging me to go. This International Literary Festival was on from 30th Oct to 2nd Nov, and for the first time in 5 years, they held it at two locations simultaneously! I decided to attend the fest at their Prithvi Theatre venue.

I had already made a schedule for all the talks, plays and workshops that I would attend, but I was in for some disappointment when I finally reached Prithvi. The passes for most of the talks and plays had run out. :-( I should have expected this as the litfest was a free event. (Yes, you heard that right!) Every entry was on first-come-first-serve basis. Luckily, the lady behind the reception kiosk told me I could attend one workshop on my list.

Tired from the long commute in the hot sun, I wanted to sit and grab some lunch. I walked into Prithvi Cafe and stood in a long queue, only to to learn that most vegetarian options were sold out. :-( The guy behind the counter told me I could take the last veg burger, which I did without asking more questions. The cafe has an eccentric, kitsch decor. (Did you notice the kettle in the picture, dangling from the roof and spewing lights?)

With my physical-hunger put to rest, I set out to satiate the hunger of my soul. I was at the Easel Art Hub 2 to attend a workshop on 'Swapping Words and Worlds'. Truth be told, I had no clue what this would be about. I just thought the title sounded interesting, and so, I decided to sign myself up for it.

Before the hosts arrived, I seated myself right on the first row and chatted with participants around me. I knew then that this would be about poetry. The organizer introduced to us the stars of the afternoon - Sampurna Chattarji, a Bengali poet, novelist and translator, and Eurig Salisbury, a Welsh poet who endeavors to bring poetry to children. Eurig was invited to India for the famous Welsh poet, Dylan Thomas's centenary celebrations.

The afternoon began with Eurig reciting one of his poem's on Dylan. "Dylan" in Welsh is not pronounced like it is in English. The Welsh pronunciation warrants stress on the "l", whereas in English we stress on the "D". Eurig wanted us to concentrate on the Welsh sounds and stress on certain syllables. We would later learn this is very important in Welsh poetry. I found the exotic sounds very calming. Welsh requires good control of your breath. It has some throaty sounds (like those of Arabic and Slavic languages) and conspicuous usage of "kh", "sh" and soft "d".

The Bengali translation of that poem was then recited by Sampurna. And lucky me, I had the opportunity to understand what the poem meant. The aim of this exercise was not to understand Welsh or Bengali, but to appreciate the sounds and words in both the languages.

Sampurna, the jovial poetess, told us how she had given Eurig a Bengali word (bhabachaka) to use in his poem. [Please leave a comment to know the meaning.] Eurig, without knowing anything about the definition or usage of the word, had composed an entertaining poem describing the thoughts of a bird. In return, he had shot the Welsh word, cynghanedd, (pronounced ken-haan-et) at Sampurna. She recited the English poem she had composed in reply. It was an anecdotal one on a fictitious "King Hanedd".

The "workshop" bit of the event started right after, when Sampurna split all the participants into pairs and gave us a task:-

1. Give your partner a word in your own language. The word can have a meaning or can be meaningless.
2. Do not reveal the meaning of the word to your partner.
3. Take the word given to you without asking any questions, and compose a poem (in any language) incorporating that word in some way.

This was really exciting! My partner was a guy called Rishabh. He only spoke English and Hindi, so I gave him the Bengali word - bang-er chhata. I was given "chari-mari". After 15 minutes of composing poems, Sampurna asked us to recite our compositions out loud. We heard words from many languages - Tamil, French, Bengali, Hindi, Gujarati, among others. I felt elated to be in a room full of talented poets for they all created wonderful pieces in under a quarter-hour! We even had an eight year old kid recite a very intelligently composed poem, embellished with words like "paleontologist"! Here's my poem:-

On a Saturday afternoon,

The sweltering heat

Couldn't stop me from

Getting on my feet.

I stood outside the Easel Theatre,

Waiting for a treat

While my growling stomach

Begged me to eat.

"Chari-mari!"

Said my soul.

"You're sweating!

Take off your stole."

"Buy a muffin.

Your pocket won't develop a hole!"

"Chari-mari!"

Said my mind.

"Where is the poetry workshop?

My GPS-enabled smartphone can't find!"

Tired,

I stepped into a room

Full of people. "Oh my unkempt hair!"

Wait, I'll first groom.

"Chari-mari!"

Said the guy next to me.

Oh, poetry! I'm flustered. 

Set me free!

Poetry! Come, set me free!

That poem is certainly going to get me thrown out of such workshops! Fortunately, the hosts changed the topic and Eurig taught us about a Welsh style of poetry - the Cynghanedd. The word, cynghanedd, means 'harmony', and this traditional style has strict rules. Dylan often used cynghanedd in his poetry. He had a certain playfulness to his style and remains the national favourite (much like our own Tagore).

Eurig explained to us the rules for Cynghanedd Lusg (pronounced leesk) - the dragging harmony, the easiest of the 4 types of cynghanedd:-

1. The last word of the last line must have more than one syllable.
2.  The stress on that word must fall on the penultimate syllable.
3. A word in the same line must rhyme with the penultimate syllable of the last word.

The rules may seem overwhelming, but it's easy once you try your hand at it. Here's my first cynghanedd line that I composed at the workshop:-

He took the cupcake,

Tipped his hat and said, "Grazie".

Notice how "hat" rhymes with "grat", the penultimate syllable of the disyllabic word "grazie" (pronounced grat-see) which means "thank you" in Italian.

The aim of this workshop was to bring us out of our preconceived notions of poetry with its traditional rhyme, metre and rhythm, and help us discover internal rhyme and the unusual style of cynghanedd. We also found that when we divorce meaning from a word, we discover sound. And sound is a beautiful thing that can be interpreted in multiple ways by multiple people. A word that denotes a sinister meaning in one language can appear to be soothing to someone who speaks a different tongue. I walked out of that room a little wiser from the interactions and my mind expanded a little more. I returned from Tata Lit Live feeling a little more alive!

Timeless Tunes (Lessons from the Bong Bard #3)

You may read the first and the second posts in this series, ahead of the third one here.

Before I begin, I'd like you to listen to this beautiful English song based on a poem, "Song. To Cecilia" written by Ben Jonson in 1616. (Don't worry, this'll be a short article. So, go ahead and hit the PLAY button.)

Drink to Me Only with Thine Eyes in the voice of Laura Wright:-

Today, I finish two months of Rabindra Sangeet riyaaz (practice). It's a different matter that I've barely done 12 hours of actual singing all this while. When I started, I thought I'd have to transform myself into a demure,  tant-saree-clad Bengali girl of that era, in puffed sleeves and long, plaited hair, to do justice to the emotions that should flow with the music. I thought my ears would have to get adjusted to the sound of the harmonium to make my voice one with the melody that played out of it. But Tagore showed me how narrow minded I was being.

Lesson - 3

Kobiguru Tagore's music transcends the man-made boundaries of countries and cultures. The great poet was well travelled and had the open mind and big heart to accommodate styles from the Western world. Many of his songs are set to tunes borrowed from England, Ireland and Scotland. The mark of a great man (excuse my patriarchal choice of word here) lies in his ability to accept diverse ideas and develop his own line of thoughts over those.

The world today is a global village, they say. Why is it then that we sully the repute of our generation by comparing cultures, fighting over traditions and competing to keep our own on a pedestal above the rest? Why can't we expand our hearts just a little to admire the beauty of all that is around us? What stops us from falling in love with the multitude of melodies, rhythms, languages and people we come across in our journey through this life?

Tagore lived, loved and wrote in the 19th century. His works, however, are timeless. His music never feels anachronic even as I hear them in the 21st century. The tunes blend well with the piano, the sitar, the harmonium, the violin and most other musical instruments you can think of. The versatility of his compositions leaves everyone the liberty to pair his melodies with classical Bengali dance forms and Western ballroom styles alike. I close my article today with the bard's rendition of the song we heard in the beginning. 

Kotobaro Bhebechinu (I've Mused Many a Times . . .) in Srikanto Acharya's baritone:-

This is one of Tagore's many songs perfect for a round of English Waltz.

P.S. To know the meaning of the the Bengali lyrics, drop me a line :-)

P.P.S. For a round of waltz with me, drop me another one! ;-)

Lessons from the Bong Bard

It started as a midsummer night's dream. I saw my maternal grandma captivate the entire palace in the pre-partition Bengal with the melody that emanated from her smooth voice. Then I heard my mother croon Rabindra Sangeet during countless public performances. Her cool voice, soft as silk, was such a contrast to the hot, stuffy room that greeted me when I woke up from my dream.

Aprils in Mumbai can make you swelter even at nights when the sun takes a nap. That night, I stayed up and thought what my life would be like without the touch of music. I had always resisted my mum's pleas to join her in her riyaaz (practice) every evening. I loved to listen to her sing, but I was sure Rabindranath Tagore's music was not my cup of tea. I realized with horror that I was 22 and counting and I knew zilch about the beautiful compositions of the Nobel-winning poet. What would I tell my children? How would I ever face my grandchildren? Who would pass on the legacy of such rich tunes to the family that I would have and to the generations that would succeed me? The sultry darkness ignited a blazing flame in me right then. I made a conscious decision to embrace my Bengali culture. And I would begin with music.

My mother could not contain her joy when I broke the news to her next morning. She hugged me tightly, like only a mother can. And on that fateful day of April, the first thing I did after returning home from work was to learn Tagore music from the basics. Rabindra Sangeet is slightly different from Classical Bengali Music which originates from the Bishnupur Gharana (School of Music). Bishnupur happens to be a small town in Bankura district of West Bengal. I have spent umpteen summers in Bankura (where I'd visit my paternal grandma until 3 years back when she moved in with us) completely oblivious to the fact that my home town of 19 years was the birthplace of Classical Bengali Music. The more I delve into the world of music, the more I discover how ignorant I am! This is why I have decided to chronicle my journey towards ending my obtuseness.

As my mommy dearest explained to me the intricacies of each note of the octave, I was amazed by how much I could learn from the distinctive style of Kobi-Guru (poet-King) Rabindranath Thakur's music.

Lesson - 1

In Rabindra Sangeet, each swar (note) is distinct when sung.

Sa  Re  Ga  Ma  Pa  Dha  Ni  Sa

Do  Re  Mi  Fa  So  La  Ti  Do

No note must touch the other. The notes don't amalgamate but retain their individuality. Each note stands strong against the onslaught of the other 6 notes.

This simple rule has helped me understand a very important life-lesson. We live in many octaves - family, friend-circle, teams at the workplace and various activity-groups. We share our opinions and brainstorm to create music-like solution to various problems. If the notes are well-composed, the music pleases the listener and singer alike. But at no point must we forget our individual strength and speciality. We must be kind enough to share our thoughts but not weak enough to change our capacity to think independently.

I have a lot of songs to learn now that it's May and the burning sun let's me do little else. So, I will be back some other day with a new lesson that the Bard teaches me. For now, you may enjoy this beautiful composition, "Purano Shei Diner Kotha" (Stories of The Days Bygone):-